Katrin Arefy

Drama

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CAST OF CHARACTERS

FIRST CHARACTER,

SECOND CHARACTER,

GRANDFATHER,

UNCLE 

BOYFRIEND, 

FIRST GIRLFRIEND

THE ANGEL OF DEATH

AZAZEL

SECOND GIRLFRIEND 

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

SETTING

A living room 

ACT I

Scene 1

AT RISE: UNCLE, BOYFRIEND, FIRST GIRLFRIEND, GRANDFATHER, AND FIRST CHARACTER are on stage. The scene starts abruptly with UNCLE’S first line.

UNCLE

I never really liked her, but I was shocked to hear today that my boss’s wife died. I just saw her three days ago.

(At the same time the FIRST GIRLFRIEND reaches out to a plate of cookies, takes one, and eats it. No actual cookies need to be there.)

FIRST CHARACTER 

And she was alive?

UNCLE

Yes!  

FIRST CHARACTER

Huh!

BOYFRIEND

(To FIRST CHARACTER) 

Dead people don’t die. 

FIRST CHARACTER

Obviously!

BOYFRIEND

(To FIRST CHARACTER) 

Yeah, I mean since you are not from here I thought I should explain.

UNCLE

She didn’t seem like she was planning to die or anything. I mean, she looked like us…I mean, pretty normal. 

FIRST CHARACTER

(To UNCLE)

Coffee? 

(He hands a cup of coffee to him and then offers coffee to the others.)  

UNCLE

You know how coffee was discovered? An Ethiopian cattleman saw his goats eating coffee cherries, and he noticed they acted differently afterwards. They were more energetic and didn’t sleep all night. 

BOYFRIEND

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND)

Nous parlons de chèvres. 

(To UNCLE)

I just told her we are talking about goats.     

(FIRST GIRLFRIEND takes another cookie.) 

UNCLE

Yeah, so, the cattleman told the local monks about this. The monks made a drink with coffee beans and drank it so that they could stay up all night and pray! Then they shared their discovery with other Ethiopian monks, and that’s how it reached the civilized world. 

BOYFRIEND

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND)

Nous parlons de café.

(To UNCLE) 

I just told her we are talking about coffee

(FIRST GIRLFRIEND takes another cookie.)

Or is it about European monks?

UNCLE

Yeah, coffee. Ethiopian, not European. Europeans import coffee. Europe imports more coffee than the United States. Do you know which country is the leading exporter of coffee? Brazil! However I have a Brazilian coworker, and he hates coffee. He said he had coffee once in his life and never tried it again. 

BOYFRIEND

Odd! What does the chump drink?

UNCLE

How the hell would I know? He is a weirdo. I would freaking fire him if it were up to me. 

(Agitated, UNCLE grabs a bunch of cookies and eats them quickly.)

BOYFRIEND

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND)

Il parle de son putain colleague.

(FIRST GIRLFRIEND laughs loudly and takes another cookie.)

(To UNCLE)

I just told her we are talking about Brazilians.

FIRST CHARACTER

One Brazilian! Only one Brazilian. 

UNCLE

One Brazilian or more Brazilians, that still counts as talking about Brazilians.

(Long, awkward pause)

FIRST CHARACTER

I went to a party on a boat last week. 

GRANDFATHER

Oh! 

(He breaks into a big smile.)

FIRST CHARACTER

Yeah, we were on the boat chatting and drinking, and all of a sudden, we heard a sound as if something had hit the boat. We all ran to the part of the boat from which the sound was coming, and there we saw a huge octopus. I mean, holy cow, it was huge. Then this guy, one of the guests, said, “I know how to catch an octopus.” Hahaha. 

(FIRST CHARACTER laughs loud and long. Grandfather joins the laugh. Everyone else stares at FIRST CHARACTER.)  

BOYFRIEND

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND)

Il parle de…

(He opens his arms and acts like an octopus, not knowing how to say the word in French.)

FIRST GIRLFRIEND

Des oiseaux?

BOYFRIEND

Non.

FIRST GIRLFRIEND

Fantôme?

BOYFRIEND

Non.

FIRST GIRLFRIEND

Natation?  

BOYFRIEND

Non. Je ne sais pas.

FIRST GIRLFRIEND

Je ne sais pas non plus.

GRANDFATHER

(To BOYFRIEND)

What did she say?

BOYFRIEND

She says she doesn’t know either.

GRANDFATHER

(Big smile) 

Oh!

(A phone rings in the other room. FIRST CHARACTER exits stage right. Long pause. FIRST GIRLFRIEND takes another cookie.)

FIRST CHARACTER

(Enters stage right.)

It was a call from…the hospital. 

BOYFRIEND and UNCLE 

(at the same time) 

How is she?

FIRST CHARACTER

Doctors said that her general well-being is fine. The medicine should help her with her pain. 

UNCLE

She had surgery!

FIRST CHARACTER

Two surgeries. 

BOYFRIEND

Two?

FIRST CHARACTER

Yes, at first she had one surgery. But then she had another surgery, so as of now, she has had two surgeries. 

BOYFRIEND 

What the hell! Two is a lot! 

FIRST CHARACTER 

I think so.

(Pause. Cawing of crows is heard.)   

FIRST CHARACTER

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND)

What do you do for work?

BOYFRIEND

She works at a company…a big corporation.

FIRST CHARACTER

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND)

And, what do you do there? 

BOYFRIEND

She is a receptionist. She has a very big desk, though. Like, from here to there. 

FIRST CHARACTER

Ah! What is the company’s primary focus?

BOYFRIEND

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND)

On parle de ton travail. Que fait l’entreprise?

GIRLFRIEND

Recherche et developpement.

BOYFRIEND

(To FIRST CHARACTER)

They do research and development. 

GRANDFATHER

(Big smile) 

Oh!

(SECOND CHARACTER enters. Everyone greets SECOND CHARACTER except the FIRST CHARACTER because the two of them live together.) 

SECOND CHARACTER

(Pointing at FIRST GIRLFRIEND while shaking BOYFRIEND’S hand.)

Your girlfriend? 

BOYFRIEND

Uhum. 

SECOND CHARACTER

(Pointing at the First Girlfriend)

Nice necklace!

 UNCLE

Yeah, Nice necklace!

So, did I tell you that with my ex-wife, we were visiting Amsterdam, I was there partly for work, but that is a different story. We went to a restaurant there. It was my ex-wife, a friend of mine, and me. My friend used to live there when he was alive. Later he died in a car accident. So he couldn’t be living there anymore. But anyways, this woman came and started talking to us as we were eating, and it turned out that she was a local, a nurse, and she hadn’t traveled much. And she was wearing this unique kind of necklace, so I told her that her necklace looked beautiful, and she said that it was made in India!  

GRANDFATHER

(Big smile)

Oh! 

UNCLE

Yeah, imagine that. India, of all places! 

BOYFRIEND

I have never been to India. 

(Long pause. FIRST GIRLFRIEND grabs another cookie.)

FIRST CHARACTER

I read that socialists are about to win a majority in Parliament. 

UNCLE

Who said that? There are still sixty percent of the Parliament who are procapitalism.

FIRST CHARACTER

But they are dying. They are old.

UNCLE

So what? Everyone dies one day anyways.

GRANDFATHER

I am not going to die. 

UNCLE 

(To GRANDFATHER) 

No, Papa, you will not. 

FIRST CHARACTER

(To UNCLE)

Everyone dies, but they die first. They are dinosaurs.

SECOND CHARACTER

Dinosaurs don’t even exist anymore! You mean rhinoceroses.

FIRST CHARACTER

No, I mean dinosaurs. Rhinoceroses can’t go to the Parliament!

SECOND CHARACTER

Anyone can go to the Parliament. 

(FIRST GIRLFRIEND grabs another cookie. SECOND CHARACTER looks at the FIRST GIRLFRIEND and continues.)

Anyone who speaks our language. 

BOYFRIEND

(To SECOND CHARACTER, visibly upset.)

Do you mean my girlfriend can’t go to the Parliament because she doesn’t…? You don’t like my girlfriend. You didn’t like my previous girlfriend either. Although she did speak our language. You never spoke to any of my previous girlfriends, and none of my previous girlfriends ever spoke to you. There has been this real lack of…, this like…real…like…no…like as if…like—

FIRST CHARACTER

(Interrupting BOYFRIEND)

Enough! No politics, no politics! 

(Long pause.) 

FIRST CHARACTER

(Continues)

I watched a movie last night. It was a documentary about how penguins survive in the Amazon forest.

GRANDFATHER

(Big smile) 

Oh! 

UNCLE

A large part of the Amazon rainforest is in Brazil. 

BOYFRIEND

We watched a scary movie about people dying from a strange disease. 

UNCLE

In Brazil?

BOYFRIEND

No, no.

FIRST CHARACTER

Documentary?

BOYFRIEND

No, of course not. It was all fiction. 

FIRST CHARACTER

(Enters right. Everyone except for the FIRST GIRLFRIEND looks at him worried, but they don’t dare ask anything.)

That was…the hospital. The doctors told me that her general well-being is fine…That’s right. They said the medicine would help her. I said to tell her that everyone says hi. 

GRANDFATHER

Oh, my little girl. Is she going to be okay?

UNCLE

Yes, she will be okay, Papa. She will be coming home soon, and we will have a party. 

FIRST CHARACTER

I went to a party on a boat last week. 

GRANDFATHER

(Big smile)

Oh! 

FIRST CHARACTER

Yeah, we were on this beautiful boat, and all of a sudden, we heard a sound like something had hit the boat real hard. We ran to the part of the boat where the sound was coming from, and there we saw an octopus. 

UNCLE

I have heard about that story before,…maybe I read it in the news.

FIRST CHARACTER

You did? And do you know what happened to the octopus at the end of the story?

UNCLE

(Obviously making it up.)

Then the, the thing, the octopus, I mean they eventually caught the octopus, and they decided to eat the thing. Then they had so much food they decided to travel on the boat to Ancartica…An…Antarctica.

FIRST CHARACTER 

Oh! 

GRANDFATHER

Oh! 

BOYFRIEND

I have never been to Antarctica. 

FIRST CHARACTER 

My aunt’s name was Arctica. 

GRANDFATHER

Oh! 

FIRST CHARACTER 

Yeah, Aunt Arctica…She died.

BOYFRIEND

Why?

FIRST CHARACTER

Don’t know…she never told me.

BOYFRIEND

My grandma also died. But that was a long time ago.

GRANDFATHER

(With a sweet smile.) 

Yes, my wife. Things were different back then. Back then everybody died.

FIRST CHARACTER

Why? Was there a plague going on?

UNCLE

No…people just used to die a lot in those days. But when Mama died, it was such a shock to us…to all of us. 

GRANDFATHER

My sweet wife would be seventy-one if she were alive. 

SECOND CHARACTER

Or, sixty-nine? I think Mom would have been sixty-nine.

GRANDFATHER

Yeah, sixty-nine or seventy-one. 

BOYFRIEND

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND)

Nous parlons de ceux qui meurent.

(FIRST GIRLFRIEND doesn’t react at all.)

BOYFRIEND

I just told her we are talking about those people who die.

(The phone rings. FIRST CHARACTER exits. FIRST GIRLFRIEND grabs another cookie. Long pause.)

SECOND CHARACTER

There was fog this morning. Very odd. The sun has burned it off. Very odd.

GRANDFATHER

That’s odd.

UNCLE

Odd indeed.

(FIRST CHARACTER enters. Long pause. Everyone avoids looking at him except for FIRST GIRLFRIEND, who doesn’t know what is going on.)

FIRST CHARACTER

(Speaks haltingly, reluctant to pass on the message.)

Umm…the call…(pauses then finishes the sentence very fast) was from the hospital. The doctors said…that…her overall well-being is fine…but…her energy level is very low. 

GRANDFATHER

My Chipmunk, my little Chipmunk. 

(ANGEL OF DEATH enters, walks slowly from one side of the stage to the other observing everyone. No one sees the ANGEL.)

BOYFRIEND

Is she going to d—

UNCLE

(Interrupts)

No D words. No D words! Understood?

(As the UNCLE walks away from the BOYFRIEND his arm accidentally touches the angel. Sound of crows’ cawing is heard.)

UNCLE 

(to Angel of Death)

Oh, I’m sorry. 

BOYFRIEND

But she…

SECOND CHARACTER

Sh…Sh…Shall we play card games?

BOYFRIEND

(Shouting)

I don’t want to play card games.

(ANGEL OF DEATH exits.) 

UNCLE

(Shouting)

What is wrong with playing card games?

BOYFRIEND

(Shouting)

Nothing is wrong with playing card games.

SECOND CHARACTER

(Shouting)

Nothing is wrong. 

FIRST CHARACTER

(Shouting)

Is something wrong?

FIRST CHARACTER

(Shouting to UNCLE)

Coffee?

UNCLE

(Shouting)

I want vodka!

FIRST CHARACTER

(To SECOND CHARACTER, now in a calm voice.)

Do we have some whisky left?

SECOND CHARACTER

Yeah, but I prefer tequila. 

UNCLE

(To GRANDFATHER)

Papa, what would you like to drink?

GRANDFATHER

Nothing. 

UNCLE

(To GRANDFATHER)

What did you say?

GRANDFATHER

Nothing. 

BOYFRIEND

(To the FIRST GIRLFRIEND)

Nous somme en train de parles a propos de…(pause hesitates) rien. 

(FIRST GIRLFRIEND smiles.)

I just told her we were talking about…nothing.  

(BLACKOUT)

(END OF SCENE)

ACT I

Scene 2

SETTING: The same living room.  

AT RISE: FIRST CHARACTER and BOYFRIEND are stage right, drinking. GRANDFATHER and FIRST GIRLFRIEND are center stage. GRANDFATHER is showing the family album to FIRST GIRLFRIEND. The two separate conversations can overlap or be said at the same times sometimes. 

GRANDFATHER

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND) 

This is my deceased sister. 

(Looks at FIRST GIRLFRIEND. Trying to help her understand, he speaks louder and slower. She doesn’t understand a word of English.) 

Sister, my sister.

FIRST GIRLFRIEND

Oui, oui. 

FIRST CHARACTER

(To BOYFRIEND, referring to his own drink.)

Nice wine.

BOYFRIEND

Mine is whisky. 

GRANDFATHER

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND)

My parents. 

FIRST CHARACTER

(To BOYFRIEND)

Yeah!

FIRST GIRLFRIEND

(To GRANDFATHER)

Parents! 

GRANDFATHER

(Very joyful, thinking she understood him.) 

Yes, my parents. 

FIRST GIRLFRIEND

Parents! 

(Laughter.)

BOYFRIEND

I don’t like whisky. 

GRANDFATHER

My older son. (Louder) Older! Son! 

FIRST GIRLFRIEND

Ah! 

GRANDFATHER

Here is my Aunt Nunu. (Louder) Nou nou! 

FIRST GIRLFRIEND

Noonoui? 

GRANDFATHER

Nunu, my sweet aunt. She was like a mother to me. She was there like a guardian with her dirty apron around her rounded belly like a shield, oh gosh, (Laughs) 

FIRST GIRLFRIEND

(Laughs)

FIRST CHARACTER

(To BOYFRIEND)

Have you been together for a while?

GRANDFATHER

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND)

My deceased brother. 

BOYFRIEND

(To FIRST CHARACTER)

Yes, we met two weeks ago…or three. 

GRANDFATHER

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND)

He was older than me. He got very ill early in life.

FIRST CHARACTER

(To BOYFRIEND referring to his relationship)

Nice!

GRANDFATHER

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND)

And he died.

BOYFRIEND

(To FIRST CHARACTER referring to the drink.)

Yeah…I don’t know. 

GRANDFATHER

(To FIRST GIRLFRIEND. He points at another picture.)

And this is…wait…who is this? This is…jeez…

(Trying hard to remember.)

This…I don’t know. I don’t remember. She must be a family member, but I’ve forgotten who. 

FIRST CHARACTER

(While pouring wine for himself.) 

More wine?

BOYFRIEND

I am having whisky.

GRANDFATHER

This is my deceased wife. My sweetheart. I never understood why she would do…She would get up in the morning and boil vinegar to clean the air. It smelled like hell in the house. Oh mine…She would put cumin in spaghetti. I hated that. She had a habit of smoking a cigarette before going to bed, and I couldn’t stand that. But then the worst part was that she died young. 

(Yawns) 

(FIRST GIRLFRIEND falls asleep. But GRANDFATHER continues talking to her.)

GRANDFATHER

This is our old house. The house still looks the same. Only the dogwood tree never bloomed after she died. They say dogwoods sense death. 

BOYFRIEND

(To FIRST CHARACTER)

I don’t know how to say octopus in French. I was trying the other day to show her (repeating what he did to show her in Scene one), but she didn’t get it. She was like “birds? ghost?” (Frustrated) If I can’t talk about an octopus to her then…I mean perhaps we can talk about goats and coffee, and some other stuff like…I don’t know. 

GRANDFATHER

(Pointing at the picture)

You see here the fences are wooden. I remember that.

FIRST CHARACTER

I have never been to France. I want to see the Eiffel Tower. But he (referring to SECOND CHARACTER) doesn’t like traveling. 

BOYFRIEND

At least you saw an octopus!

FIRST CHARACTER

Octopus? You mean the party? 

BOYFRIEND

Not the party—the octopus.

FIRST CHARACTER

Yes, the octopus. That was at the party.

BOYFRIEND

Are you pro-socialists party?

FIRST CHARACTER

That was not a socialist party. That was just a party. 

BOYFRIEND

I didn’t mean to offend you. More wine?

FIRST CHARACTER

I am having whisky.

(Long pause. Cawing of crows is heard.)

BOYFRIEND

I read somewhere that crows are friends with death.

GRANDFATHER

(Starts mumbling a song to himself, looking at the rest of the photos, occasionally yawning.)

FIRST CHARACTER

Friends with?  

BOYFRIEND

On battlegrounds they pick up eyeballs, eat the flesh from the ribcages of dead warriors. They are death eaters. 

FIRST CHARACTER

Huh!  

BOYFRIEND

You see? They eat death and, in that way, they own the life of the warrior who has died. 

FIRST CHARACTER

But the dead warrior didn’t have life for the crow to own…

BOYFRIEND

The crow can overcome death because it can join it, without losing its own life. You see?  

FIRST CHARACTER

Yeah…more whisky?

BOYFRIEND

I am having wine.

(BLACKOUT)

(END OF SCENE)

ACT II

Scene 1

SETTING: One month later. Same living room.

AT RISE: UNCLE, BOYFRIEND, SECOND GIRLFRIEND, GRANDFATHER, SECOND CHARACTER, and FIRST CHARACTER are on stage. 

UNCLE

But the carpenter wasn’t alive anymore by then, so they had to redo the whole thing from scratch. 

FIRST CHARACTER

Coffee?

UNCLE

Do you know how coffee was discovered? An Ethiopian cattleman saw his goats eating coffee cherries, and he noticed they acted differently afterwards. They were more energetic and didn’t sleep all night. Then the cattleman told the local monks about this. The monks made a drink with coffee beans that they drank. Then they could stay up all night and pray! So, they shared their discovery with other Ethiopian monks and that’s how it reached the civilized world.

FIRST CHARACTER

Is that true? 

(Pours coffee for UNCLE and hands it to him.)

UNCLE

(To FIRST CHARACTER, accepting the coffee) 

Yep! Thank you. Yeah, it is. 

(pause)

FIRST CHARACTER

I read in the news that the Socialists are going to win the Parliament. 

UNCLE

(To FIRST CHARACTER)

Most of the Parliament is still procapitalism. 

FIRST CHARACTER

(To UNCLE)

Capitalism is dying.

UNCLE

(Suddenly very aggravated.)

Everyone dies one day anyways. 

GRANDFATHER

I am not going to die. 

UNCLE

(To GRANDFATHER) 

No, you are not going to die, Papa!

(Phone rings from the other room. FIRST CHARACTER exits to answer the phone.)

SECOND GIRLFRIEND

That is what I thought about my grandpa, but then he died.

BOYFRIEND

(To SECOND GIRLFRIEND)

Did he tell you he was not going to die?

SECOND GIRLFRIEND

No, he didn’t. But he didn’t tell me he was going to die either. 

FIRST CHARACTER

(Enters stage right. Holds a landline phone in hand. The phone is unplugged.) 

It was a call— 

BOYFRIEND

(Interrupts impatiently) 

From the hospital! How is she?

FIRST CHARACTER

She is not doing well. We should be prepared for anything. (Pause) But her general well-being is fine.

SECOND GIRLFRIEND

(Sarcastic)

She is dying, but her general well-being is fine? People may die even if they have fine general well-being, so we should always be prepared. 

GRANDFATHER

Is she dying? Is my little girl going to die?

UNCLE

No, Papa. She is fine. Her general well-being is fine, and she will be back home soon, and we will have a party.

GRANDFATHER

She has been in the hospital for a long time now. 

UNCLE

Yes, it is time for her to come home. Do you want to go visit her?

(FIRST CHARACTER shakes head No behind GRANDFATHER to let UNCLE know that is not a good idea.)

UNCLE

(To GRANDFATHER)

No? No, you don’t? How about another drink? Would you like me to get you another drink? Vodka?

GRANDFATHER

I don’t like vodka.

(Uncle pours the drink and drinks it himself straight up.)

GRANDFATHER

(With acceptance)

Oh, my poor little girl. My little Chipmunk. 

BOYFRIEND 

(To FIRST CHARACTER)

So, she is not doing well?

FIRST CHARACTER

Well, how can I say it? She was better last week…but then she started to…I mean her health started to deteriorate and…But now…then…it’s…what is important is that she got a new prescription, and we need to order her medicine as soon as possible.

(FIRST CHARACTER gives the phone to SECOND CHARACTER.) 

SECOND CHARACTER

(On the phone)

I am calling to put in an order for a prescription to be filled…Yes, I have the patient’s insurance number…The patient’s number? 

(Looks at FIRST CHARACTER with a questioning expression.) 

FIRST CHARACTER

Yes. 

SECOND CHARACTER

Yes, I have the patient’s number, too. One second, please.

FIRST CHARACTER

(Reads it to the SECOND CHARACTER) 

Three-four-eight-KFD-PPJ-B-one-two-three-four-eight.

SECOND CHARACTER

(To the person on the phone)

Three-four-eight…

FIRST CHARACTER

K as in knife.

SECOND CHARACTER

K as in…K as in kangaroo.

FIRST CHARACTER

F as in festoon. 

SECOND CHARACTER

F as in… F as in frog. 

(ANGEL OF DEATH enters but is invisible to everyone. The cawing of crows is heard.)

FIRST CHARACTER

D as in d…

(All panic thinking about D as in death.)

UNCLE

Dragon.

BOYFRIEND

Doughnut. 

SECOND GIRLFRIEND

(Searching for a word)

D…D…

SECOND CHARACTER

D as in dolphin.

SECOND GIRLFRIEND

Donkey!

FIRST CHARACTER

Why does it always have to be an animal?

BOYFRIEND

Okay, Dionysus.

UNCLE

What is that?

BOYFRIEND

It’s a Greek thing.

(Everyone waits for the next letter as if participating in a game) 

BOYFRIEND

P for…pathetic. 

(Cawing of crows)

UNCLE

Puzzle! 

BOYFRIEND

Premonition. 

(AZAZEL enters. AZAZEL is invisible to everyone but ANGEL OF DEATH. The angels’ dialogue and the other characters lines should sometimes overlap or be said at the same time.)

SECOND GIRLFRIEND

Poison.

SECOND CHARACTER

P for, okay you got it. Yes, P for pasta. Yes, vegetarian pasta. 

FIRST CHARACTER

P as in…

UNCLE

Another P?

SECOND CHARACTER

Two Ps?

FIRST CHARACTER

Yes, P for peas.

BOYFRIEND

Two peas?

FIRST CHARACTER

Yes…no…it doesn’t matter how many peas. And J as in…

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH)

Where is the girl?

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

On the other side. I am visiting the family of the deceased. It is good to see you, AZAZEL. 

FIRST CHARACTER

I know you are going to say jellyfish. And that’s again an animal.

SECOND GIRLFRIEND

I wasn’t. 

UNCLE

Is a jellyfish an animal? 

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH) 

The grandfather…

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

The old man will be fine. He can handle the news. 

SECOND CHARACTER

(To UNCLE)

I don’t know. 

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH) 

I know. 

BOYFRIEND

Yes, jellyfish are animals without backbones. 

FIRST CHARACTER

Then B12 like the vitamin. And there is a dash, two dashes. One between Dionysus and peas. 

SECOND CHARACTER

There is a dash between the Dionysus and the penis. 

FIRST CHARACTER

And another one between J and B 12.

SECOND CHARACTER 

And another one between J and  B 12.

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH) 

They are pretty entertaining. 

SECOND CHARACTER

(On the phone)

Yes, there are. Yes, two dashes. 

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

The old man looks very much like Rabbi Joshua ben Levi from what they call the third century here on the Earth.  

SECOND CHARACTER

(Continues on the phone)

I don’t remember.

(to FIRST CHARACTER, whispering)

What date was she admitted to the hospital?

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH)

Joshua was a fine man. 

FIRST CHARACTER

(To SECOND CHARACTER)

I don’t remember. 

SECOND CHARACTER

(To the person on the phone)

But I have her insurance number… 

FIRST CHARACTER

(Reading To SECOND CHARACTER)

Two-nine-KL-five-six-four-three.

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

Do you know what he did when I was sent to him? 

SECOND CHARACTER

(On the phone)

Two-nine-KL-five-six-four-three, so it’s twenty-one, king, lizard. 

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH) 

Tell me. 

FIRST CHARACTER

(To SECOND CHARACTER)

Twenty-nine.

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

He said, “I am not going with you.” 

(Laughs) 

I have never seen such a stubborn man.

SECOND CHARACTER

(On the phone)

Not twenty-one. It’s twenty-nine. 

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH)

What did you do then?

SECOND CHARACTER

(On the phone)

(Signals to FIRST CHARACTER to write the order number down.) 

Yes, I am ready. Six-two-zero-zero-nine-one-eight-one-seven-two-six-one-five-three-seven-eight-nine-zero-three-five-five.

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

He insisted that he wanted to go by himself. I had to give him my sword to assure him that I would not scare him. Then we walked together towards the other side. 

SECOND CHARACTER

(On the phone, continues speaking)

Which side? Yes, We are not that far. 

(pause) 

Yes, we can drive over if needed.

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

When we got there, he jumped to the other side. He knew the way. He must have been there before. He jumped there with my sword in his hand!

SECOND CHARACTER

(On the phone, continues)

Okay, let me read it back to you. 

FIRST CHARACTER

Six-two-zero-zero.

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH) 

Huh!

SECOND CHARACTER

Six-two-zero-zero.

FIRST CHARACTER

Ninety-one.

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

He wouldn’t give me my sword back. He wanted to end my business on the earth.

SECOND CHARACTER

Ninety-one-eighty-one.

FIRST CHARACTER

Seventy-two-sixty-one.

ANGEL OF DEATH

(continues to Azazel)

The Divine Voice emerged and said, “Give the sword back to my angel as it is necessary to kill the created beings. Death is the way of the world.”

AZAZEL

(Nods, TO ANGEL OF DEATH) 

Death is the way of life.

SECOND CHARACTER

Seventy-two-sixty-one.

FIRST CHARACTER

Fifty-three-seventy-eight.

SECOND CHARACTER

Fifty-three-seventy-eight.

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

Then he said he would only give me my sword back if I revealed my name. 

FIRST CHARACTER

Nine-zero-three.

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH)

What did you do? 

SECOND CHARACTER

Nine-zero-three.

ANGEL OF DEATH

(Continues to AZAZEL)

I did, and he carved my name on his arm so as to never forget it.

FIRST CHARACTER

Fifty-five.

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH, surprised) 

Joshua ben Levi knows your name? 

SECOND CHARACTER

Fifty-five.

ANGEL OF DEATH

(Continues to AZAZEL)

My name faded from his arm as soon as he gave me my sword back. It faded from his memory, too. 

BOYFRIEND

Two.

UNCLE

Thirty-two.

ANGEL OF DEATH

(Continues to AZAZEL)

So, still, no one knows my name, Azazel.

FIRST CHARACTER

Nine. 

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

You have a big heart to receive all their wrongdoing. 

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH)

I am just a fallen angel.   

BOYFRIEND

Thirty-seven…

SECOND CHARACTER

(Angrily)

Nine? (pause) Two! 

(Hangs up the phone.)

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH)

And I wouldn’t call that wrongdoing. I would call that simply, doing.

BOYFRIEND

Four-one-nine-four. 

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

Simply doing! They have to purify themselves from simply doing? 

UNCLE

Nine-four-one-four…six-two-five-two.

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH)

You can’t give away something you don’t own. My job is to have them see it, own it, and let it go.

GRANDFATHER

Nine-four-five-four or maybe nine-four-one-four.

AZAZEL

(Continues to ANGEL OF DEATH)

Where is Joshua buried?

BOYFRIEND

(Gradually becoming more emotional)

Two thousand and five? Two thousand and twelve? Two thousand and twenty-seven and thirty hundred? (the mistake in the number is intentional.)

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

The site of his grave is not known. 

UNCLE

Three hundred one thousand and nine fifties.

(The mistake in the number is intentional.)

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH)

Even to you?

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

He might not have one. 

(Others join in talking numbers with varied emotions as if they are really talking, interrupting each other and talking all at the same time until they are interrupted by a phone ringing.)

FIRST CHARACTER

(Picks up the phone)

Hello? Yes, speaking. I do. She is my partner’s niece. 

(pause) 

Okay. 

(Sits down) 

I am sitting now.  

(Facial expression is puzzled and then shocked. He slowly hangs up.)

(Long silence. FIRST CHARACTER staring at the floor.)

It was a from…

BOYFRIEND

From?

UNCLE

The hospital?

(FIRST CHARACTER nods but can’t speak.)

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To AZAZEL)

I wonder at times why the Almighty didn’t make me the angel of life, the angel of hope. 

AZAZEL

(To ANGEL OF DEATH)

There is no hope without a touch of death. 

SECOND CHARACTER

(To FIRST CHARACTER)

Shush!

(Speaks to everyone while staring at the FIRST CHARACTER.)

Who wants to play card games with me? 

BOYFRIEND

(Shouting at SECOND CHARACTER)

No one!

FIRST CHARACTER

(Unable to talk about the news. Acts very strange. Gets up. Starts approaching the people in the room one by one and unable to talk to them walks away from them one by one. Notices that he is wearing a red shirt.)

I shouldn’t be wearing red right now. (Takes his shirt off.)

BOYFRIEND

(to FIRST CHARACTER) 

Tell us…you are killing us.

UNCLE

I can’t hear it. Say it when I am not here.

BOYFRIEND

(To UNCLE)

Close your ears.

(UNCLE closes his eyes. He takes FIRST CHARACTER’s shirt and covers GRANDFATHER’S ears and eyes.) 

FIRST CHARACTER

(Holds SECOND CHARACTER and speaks)

The doctors said that the medicines…they said her body…they said she… She didn’t make it.

SECOND GIRLFRIEND

(To BOYFRIEND)

Who is she?

BOYFRIEND

(To SECOND GIRLFRIEND)

Mary, Maryann! 

UNCLE

(Shouting at FIRST CHARACTER)

No! That’s not true! 

(BOYFRIEND walks stage right and bangs his fist on the wall; facing the wall, he starts weeping.)

SECOND CHARACTER

We must go to the hospital.

FIRST CHARACTER

Too late.

SECOND CHARACTER

It’s a mistake…they make mistakes all the time…it wasn’t Maryann…Maryann is there…waiting for us. 

FIRST CHARACTER

But maybe we have to go to the hospital anyways. 

UNCLE

Someone needs to take Papa home and stay with him. Just do not tell him anything.

SECOND CHARACTER

Papa doesn’t have to know this. 

FIRST CHARACTER

I would…I could…I don’t know. 

SECOND CHARACTER

I am going to the hospital. You take care of Papa!

FIRST CHARACTER

(Holds SECOND CHARACTER’S arm.)

No! You can’t drive right now. 

SECOND CHARACTER

I can drive. I will be fine.

FIRST CHARACTER

Let me drive you if you really have to go now. 

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To FIRST CHARACTER)

You are not driving anywhere at this moment. Neither one of you.

SECOND GIRLFRIEND

Can anyone help him? 

(Motioning to BOYFRIEND) 

He is going to have a heart attack or something if he keeps doing that.

(To BOYFRIEND) 

Calm down…everybody dies one day…calm down…My grandfather also died. It was years ago…but, still…crying doesn’t bring them back. 

(BOYFRIEND continues crying quietly.)

UNCLE

(Still holding the shirt to protect GRANDFATHER from the news.)

Can someone hold this? I feel dizzy… 

(Second CHARACTER takes over the job of holding the shirt over GRANDFATHER’S eyes and ears. UNCLE sits down.)

FIRST CHARACTER

(To UNCLE)

I don’t think that’s right…

UNCLE

(Interrupts)

We can’t tell Papa. He cannot handle this. 

SECOND CHARACTER

No question about that. Maryann is still in the hospital, and that is all Papa needs to know. 

SECOND GIRLFRIEND

(To BOYFRIEND)

Everyone dies one day anyways. What can we do? We can’t do anything. Do you know how many people die every day? I mean every single day. Countless people—countless. Countless people die every day. You should know better. You are an educated young man. You should know that you are not the only person who has lost someone. And who was that girl anyways?  

(Pause)

My grandfather also died. I didn’t cry like that. You think I didn’t love my grandfather? 

UNCLE

(To SECOND GIRLFRIEND)

Can you just shut up? Just shut the f…the f…the frog up!

(SECOND GIRLFRIEND is ready to cry.)

UNCLE

(To BOYFRIEND)

And you! Stop crying before Papa hears you!

SECOND CHARACTER

(To UNCLE)

Take Papa, take him to the other room or…or for a walk or something. 

UNCLE

He will know the moment he sees my face. 

(Points at SECOND GIRLFRIEND with his head) 

Let her take Papa for a walk. 

BOYFRIEND

(Talking and crying) 

Okay. Let go of that stupid shirt I will stop crying. 

(He cries even louder. AZAZEL walks closer and lets BOYFRIEND cry on his shoulders. Still no one notices or reacts to the presence of the two angels.)

SECOND GIRLFRIEND

(With anger)

Haven’t you cried enough already?

FIRST CHARACTER

(To SECOND GIRLFRIEND) 

Take him out.

(SECOND GIRLFRIEND takes the BOYFRIEND out.)

SECOND GIRLFRIEND

(To BOYFRIEND as they are exiting.)

 Who is this girl anyways? 

(FIRST CHARACTER and UNCLE get ready to pretend nothing has happened. SECOND CHARACTER lets go of the shirt covering GRANDFATHER’S eyes and ears. They manage to pretend nothing has happened.) 

(Long, odd pause)

UNCLE

(To GRANDFATHER)

Vodka?

GRANDFATHER

I don’t like vodka.

(UNCLE takes a shot of vodka for himself.)

SECOND CHARACTER

(To GRANDFATHER, speaking loudly as if a loud voice could distract GRANDFATHER.) 

Orange juice? Ginger ale? Italian soda? Pizza? 

(Shouts) 

Say something—what would you like?

(Long pause)

GRANDFATHER

(Suddenly shouts surprisingly loudly.)

Pizza!

FIRST CHARACTER

(Shouts to SECOND CHARACTER) 

We don’t have any pizza! 

SECOND CHARACTER

(To GRANDFATHER) 

We don’t have pizza. Italian soda? Peach flavored? Watermelon flavored? Wild berry flavored? 

(Pause)

GRANDFATHER

(Speaks calmly with a smile on his face.)

Maryann liked wild berries. She would find her way over and under the bushes just to get that last berry when she was still a little girl.

(Long pause)

She was a good dancer. Since she was very little, she loved to make us all sit and watch her dancing.

UNCLE

(To GRANDFATHER)

We will ask her to dance again for us when she comes home from the…

GRANDFATHER

When my brother died, he was exactly the same age as Mary. He was nineteen. How old was she?

UNCLE

She is…

(Bursts into tears) 

She was sixteen.

GRANDFATHER

Yes, the same age. Very young. 

(Long pause)

Mary used to stop by my home after school and say, “Grandpapa, I did another day of school.” I used to tell her I was keeping count. You have only another hundred thousand schooldays left. She would laugh and say, “You said the same thing yesterday.” 

(Smiles)

SECOND CHARACTER

(To GRANDFATHER, emotional)

She loved you, Papa. 

GRANDFATHER

Yes, she was a sweet girl. 

(Smiles) 

A very good girl. 

(Long pause. UNCLE moves to hug GRANDFATHER in an attempt to give comfort. FIRST CHARACTER and SECOND CHARACTER sit next to each other on the floor, holding each other. SECOND GIRLFRIEND and BOYFRIEND slowly and hesitantly enter holding each other.) 

GRANDFATHER

(Continues)

What time is it? I should eat something before taking my medicine. 

UNCLE

We are going to eat soon, Papa. 

(ANGEL OF DEATH exits. AZAZEL follows the ANGEL OF DEATH.)

SECOND GIRLFRIEND

I am starving. 

(BLACKOUT)

(END OF SCENE)

ACT II

Scene 2

SETTING: The same living room. 

AT RISE: FIRST CHARACTER, SECOND CHARACTER, and UNCLE are on stage. 

SECOND CHARACTER

(Holding a pen and paper, and reading from it.)

Maryann, not Mary. 

(Fixes the name on the paper.)

Passing? 

FIRST CHARACTER

Losing.

SECOND CHARACTER

Losing?

FIRST CHARACTER

Losing to the ANGEL OF DEATH.

UNCLE

That bastard. I want to kill that freaking angel.

FIRST CHARACTER

Angels don’t die. 

SECOND CHARACTER

(Reading and correcting.)

The family of Maryann Rose announces her passing, her losing, her losing to the…to the Angel of Death after a long battle, a long battle…

FIRST CHARACTER

With the Angel of Death… 

SECOND CHARACTER

After a long battle with the Angel of Death. But then we have Angel of Death twice in phrase.

UNCLE

I am not kidding. I will find that freaking angel. 

FIRST CHARACTER

By the above-mentioned angel. 

SECOND CHARACTER

(Correcting)

the above-mentioned angel. Mary 

(correcting)

…Maryann will be remembered by her uncles, cousins, grandfather, uncles’ spouses, cousins’ girlfriends, as well as numerous other family members, classmates, friends… 

FIRST CHARACTER 

Teachers? Neighbors and the school principal? 

UNCLE

Do you think the school principal will remember her? I mean there are hundreds of students at the school.

FIRST CHARACTER

Yes, but they didn’t die! 

UNCLE

No need to mention neighbors. I hate those bastards. 

FIRST CHARACTER

Put grandfather before uncle. 

UNCLE

(Angry) 

The freaking Angel of Death 

(Bursts into tears) 

took my family members—Mary and Mama. Mama! 

FIRST CHARACTER

(Sigh) 

I wonder if that was the same angel. Do you know the actual name of the angel?

UNCLE

(Shakes his head no.)

FIRST CHARACTER

(With sorrow)

My grandma also died. She died when I was a little child.

SECOND CHARACTER

(Coldly)

Everybody dies. 

UNCLE

(Stops crying)

But Papa said he would not die.

SECOND CHARACTER

He was joking.

UNCLE

No, he was dead serious. I don’t know, but it is hard to believe that Mary…

SECOND CHARACTER

(Determined, as if trying to face the reality.) 

Mary is dead. Mama is dead. Mozart is dead.

FIRST CHARACTER

My grandma is dead, too.

SECOND CHARACTER

Yes, you’ve mentioned that already.

UNCLE

I can’t believe our little Mary is dead.

(Silence)

SECOND CHARACTER

(Speaking with firm conviction.) 

Mozart is not dead.

UNCLE

How about Mary?

SECOND CHARACTER

I don’t know…but Mama is definitely dead.

UNCLE

I think so, it’s been a long time.

(BOYFRIEND, THIRD GIRLFRIEND, and GRANDFATHER enter. Shaking hands and exchanging greetings.)

FIRST CHARACTER

(To BOYFRIEND)

Your girlfriend? 

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

(To FIRST CHARACTER)

Nice to meet you.

FIRST CHARACTER

(To those who just entered)

Coffee?

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

Yes, I would love some coffee.

(To BOYFRIEND)

Anyways, I don’t know about that. But do you know why raw tomatoes are bad for you?  

UNCLE

Raw..?

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

They are very bad for you. The best way to eat potatoes…

BOYFRIEND

Potatoes? 

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

Tomatoes.

BOYFRIEND

You said potatoes. 

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

I meant tomatoes. So the best way to eat tomatoes is to peel them, remove the seeds then cook them. Never eat them raw. And all that skin and seeds are not good for you.

BOYFRIEND

How about potatoes? 

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

What about potatoes? I said tomatoes.

UNCLE

(To THIRD GIRLFRIEND)

Toma….(toes)

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

(Interrupts speaking to BOYFRIEND)

I wouldn’t eat potatoes raw anyways. 

FIRST CHARACTER

How about asparagus?

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

I don’t like asparagus. 

(to BOYFRIEND)

Do you like asparagus?

BOYFRIEND

Yeah, it’s okay. 

(To GRANDFATHER) 

What do you like Grandpa? Asparagus?

GRANDFATHER

I am not hungry.

FIRST CHARACTER

My body can’t take asparagus. Oranges also aren’t good for me….

THRID GIRLFRIEND

(Interrupts)

Do you know why death stopped eating oranges?

UNCLE

Because it…

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

(Interrupting)

Because every time he peeled one, it had zest for life! 

(She laughs out loud. Grandfather follows her laughing. Everyone else stares.)

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

(To FIRST CHARACTER) 

May I have some wine please? 

FIRST CHARACTER 

Sure.

BOYFRIEND

(To THIRD GIRLFRIEND)

I thought you were having coffee.

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

Coffee is good for you, but generally speaking (gets distracted by the glass of wine handed to her.) Ah thank you. I really need this. (She smells the wine) hmmm! Zinfandel? 

FIRST CHARACTER

It’s…I think it’s (reads the bottle)

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

(Takes a sip. Interrupting.) 

Yeah, Zin. My favorite.

FIRST CHARACTER

It’s Merlot.

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

(To BOYFRIEND)

Want some?

(BOYFRIEND shakes his head no.)

(THIRD GIRLFRIEND continues to FIRST CHARACTER)

Did he tell you where we met? On a dance floor. He is a great dancer. Oh! And I met my deceased husband on dance floor too!

GRANDFATHER

Oh! 

(Smiles.)

BOYFRIEND

(Surprised.)

Your…? When did he die? 

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

My daughter is a great dancer too. She also loves singing. 

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

(Continues to BOYFRIEND)

He didn’t. 

BOYFRIEND

You… (-just said…)

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

He didn’t die. He shot himself in his throat. Is killing yourself called dying? I don’t know. 

FIRST CHARACTER

I am sorry. It must have been really shocking.

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

It was shocking. I don’t usually tell people that he shot himself. I just say his heart stopped. Because people can ask you weird questions and…

SECOND CHARACTER

 What weird questions?

THIRD GIRLFRIEND

(To FIRST CHARACTER)

If you think about it, it could have been worse. What if he shot all three of us? It’s good it went the way it did. Although it’s not a good way. But it is what it is. Now it’s me and my daughter. I drive her to her singing class, to her dance class, and to her school. Things are good. She is in a good school. A very good school. But getting into a good high school is not going to be easy. Although she is getting good grades. I think she can get to a good high school. 

(ANGEL of DEATH enters. Everyone freezes except for BOYFRIEND and ANGEL OF DEATH. The stage goes dark except for a dim light on BOYFRIEND.)

BOYFRIEND

It’s too dark in here.

ANGEL OF DEATH

D as in dark.

D…as in dancing.

BOYFRIEND

(Gets up and starts dancing with Angel of Death as if hypnotized.) 

D as in dizzy…D as in… 

ANGEL OF DEATH

D as in daisy. D as in dahlia. 

BOYFRIEND

Dangerous. 

ANGEL OF DEATH

Daring. 

BOYFRIEND

Drowning.

ANGEL OF DEATH

As in delicate. 

BOYFRIEND

Drifting. 

ANGEL OF DEATH

Dandelions. 

BOYFRIEND

As in dogwood trees.

ANGEL OF DEATH

As in deer.

BOYFRIEND

(Bursts into tears)

ANGEL OF DEATH

Darling.

ANGEL OF DEATH

(To the audience)

Plaudite, amici, comedia finite est. 

(BLACKOUT)

(Lights on Grandfather only.)

GRANDFATHER 

(He is sitting in an armchair as he is writing a poem in his notebook.) 

The hummingbirds are sleeping

The doves and angels, too

My little chipmunk, Mary, 

But your wish will come true

Tomorrow when the sunshine

Warms up their hearts and wings

I’ll wake you, hug you, kiss you

And take you where they sing

(END OF PLAY)

Katrin Arefy is an essayist and playwright. Her essays and playscripts have appeared in numerous literary magazines, including North Dakota Quarterly, Water~Stone Review, Fleas on the Dog, Free State Review, Meat for Tea: Valley Review, Tusculum Review, and Some Scripts Literary Magazine. Her plays have been premiered in New York City, performed in California, reached the semifinalist round at Ivoryton Playhouse’s inaugural Women Playwright’s Initiative, selected for inclusion at the Iranian Drama Festival in Heidelberg, Germany, and Funny Shorts in Florida. Her latest theatre work, The Portrait of an Angel, a Lion, a Monster was premiered in Manhattan, NY, in January 2022 and was well received by the audience and NY critics in a review posted on the Theater Times site Some of Katrin Arfey’s plays are available on the New Play Exchange website; her plays and creative nonfiction are also available on her website www.katrinarefy.com

Photo Credit: Marcia K. Bilyk is an essayist, photographer, and retired pastor. She lives in rural New Jersey with her husband and two dogs. Her photos have appeared in The Sun, Gothamist, Brevity, Humana Obscura, Adirondack Review, Split Rock Review, Burning Wood Literary Journal, Tiferet Journal, Adirondack Review, Brevity, and elsewhere.